Whenever I sit down to write something here I always start questioning why I want to write something, if I am feeling obligated or if I have something to say. I wonder if I should write something general or personal, mundane or exciting, who will read it and if that should somehow inform my choices.
Sometimes I write an entire post only to reach the end and realize that I am not going to publish it. At times I’ll find a kernel of interesting prose in the middle that I’ll extract and build on, but often it will never see the light of day.
For the most part, I think this is a valid writing and publishing method, we use the internet too much like an endless void where we can spew whatever into the world as if it will disappear into the darkness. Good, bad, horrific, beautiful, inane, engaging – but it doesn’t and while I will never say we should stop doing that, I do think we should pause and reflect beforehand. We can so easily wound with a few words, or keystrokes, and it is important to be mindful of that.
There is a lot on my mind these days and I could absolutely post every feeling and thought here, for the universe to see, but I don’t know that it would help. Yes, there is catharsis in putting words to paper (or digital paper) for me, but that doesn’t mean it is the best course of action. Sometimes that hypothetical post is just words on a screen that I can delete, freed from my mind, even if I was the only person who read the words.
Over the years I’ve learned that it is both the things we say and those we don’t, that our minds will dwell on. I will avoid dwelling, on what I could have or didn’t, by publishing this post regarding finding intention in sharing. It isn’t really saying anything or nothing, but sometimes that’s the point. Brains are so good at creating stories that each person that reads this will construct their own narrative about me – fill in the space I’ve left open for interpretation – adding more into the shared abyss. What will you share or not share?