Sleep Mode

One of the worst things we seem to have embraced in North American culture, is that being busy equates to success. I don’t like being busy, how can we enjoy life if we are working so hard just to be able to afford our lives.

That drive to be successful/busy in our lives tends to mean we have a hard time realizing that in reality, we are burning out.

Burnout looks like different things for different people. For some it is emotionally breaking down, losing your mind over the smallest thing because all the big things have worn you down. Others find that they need to withdraw from the world, feeling like it is constantly screaming at them to do things that they don’t have the time to accomplish.

For me, it is hitting a wall where my insomnia has sucked all the energy out of me and I’ve only just made it through the workweek.

I usually don’t realize that I’ve been hanging on by a thread of sanity until I try to do something small and note that it is exhausting. Then I will sit down to relax for a moment and wake up hours later.

This happened today, I woke up this morning feeling alright, I had gotten a little sleep(that is big for me) and I had plans to organize the back room.

I moved three things in the room, sat down to rest for a moment on the couch and woke up four hours later.

I am not a napper, I avoid napping in general since I have enough sleep issues without using up precious unconsciousness during the day.

I had no plan to nap, I was hoping I’d get a good portion of the backroom sorted out, but that didn’t stop my brain from turning everything off.

It sent out the message that it had some thinking to do and it wanted some dream time. So I spent four hours having very odd dreams as my brain worked on reorganizing itself for the week ahead – at least something got organized.

Recently, I’ve felt it more and more, the knawing exhaustion as the week wears on and the burnout takes hold. In the past, I would hunker down for the weekend with a pot of tea and a tv show, movie or book and it would be enough to get me through the next week. Lately, even when I am finding time to make a pot of tea, it doesn’t seem to help.

These days I am up and out of the house before 8 am, work all day and then I pick up my brother at 6 pm to take him home, which means I am not even walking back into my house until after 7 pm usually. After a day of working, I just don’t have the energy to deal with anything, family can be draining at the best of times but when I just want to get home to eat some dinner and try to wind down before bed it is too much.

As an introvert, I need that time at home to wind down before bed, but when I get home late I have less time to do so and it means I don’t sleep well. My brain spends the night chattering away and no matter how much I tell it to shut up, it doesn’t.

In some ways, I should be glad I had the opportunity to nap and dream today, though I’m a little worried that I’ll be too awake to sleep. Hopefully, my general exhaustion and burnout from the week will allow me to just crash when I hit the pillow and maybe my nap will help salve some of that burnt brain matter.

Sunday Song – R&B/Pop/Funk Edition

I have a hard time putting music into categories unless it is obvious, and sometimes the best stuff isn’t just one category it is fusing different genres into something new and different, hence today’s edition title.

Sunday Song – Édition Française

I spoke about regrets the other day, this song seems on topic.

I’d regret forgetting to post yesterday but going to bed early and sleeping late just shouldn’t be something anyone should regret, even if it meant breaking my daily posting habit – there was a posting of a cute puppy on IG though which you can also find on the main page here.

Buzzing Brain

My head is noisy at the best of times. Work noise, life noise, worry noise, pointless noise.

If I’m lucky I can quiet it down for a bit. Distract it with music, TV, a book, even an interesting file at work.

If I’m not so lucky my brain starts swirling about from thought to thought. One thing will remind me of another and off it goes until I’ve forgotten what I was trying to determine in the first place.

That was the case today when I was supposed to be relaxing, as needles placed by the acupuncturist to “calm my mind” were not expecting my buzzing brain.

From reno projects, to work deadlines, to questions/worry about the state of the world, today brain was having none of the calm.

Now that it is time for bed I am hoping that it got most of its chaotic thoughts out, maybe then the needles placed to encourage better sleep will not have been a wasted effort.

Maybe I can go to sleep and wake up feeling refreshed (odd concept, rarely happens) because a refreshed brain is much better at handling a buzzing brain that is worrying about the state of…well, everything.

Any Guesses?

I’m taking bets as to which of these plants is dead and which dormant. I’m hoping the cold weather followed by the wet weather with a dash of sun on repeat hasn’t been too much for them.

They may be outdoor plants but that doesn’t mean they are happy to be out there, especially not when the weather gets a bit more extreme than expected.

These three sit outside on the bedroom deck and I keep seeing them there looking brown and sad, hoping to see a sprig of green.

No such luck as yet, but it is still early, right? Spring isn’t for another month. 🤞

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Categorized as Year 43 Tagged

Sunday Song – Sci-Fi Edition

It’s interesting how some songs become embedded in our minds in a way they were never originally intended. There are people that only know this piece because of 2001: A Space Odyssey, or perhaps some usage in another movie or commercial.

Probably not what Strauss* was planning when he composed it, but being used as the background music in so many productions likely introduced people to this and hopefully other classical music as well.

This is one of my favorite things about movie and television, discovering new music, hearing something play in the background then figuring out what it is, who is playing it, what else they have performed.

What song do you mainly associate with a movie, TV show or the like? Regardless of whether that was how you first were exposed to it, for instance I don’t know this piece because of 2001 (I don’t think I’ve even seen the film all the way through, please don’t revoke my nerd card), for me it was included on a classical compilation I owned growing up, likely included because of its use in the 1968 film though. See what I mean, the intersection of art forms expands all art (that sounded unintentionally overly deep and meaningful 🤦‍♀️, sorry).

It’s Sunday – Go listen to some music!

*The entire Also Sprach Zarathustra tone poem is worth a listen if you have about 30 minutes to spare and enjoy orchestral music.