I’ve always had my weekends to myself, able to spend them quietly doing nothing with no guilt or regret. I work all week, it seems only fair that the weekend is my time to fill as I choose.

Lately that seems not to be the case. I feel like I don’t get to choose what I want to do and if I do nothing I feel like I should have been checking something off a list.

I’m not enjoying this feeling.

It causes me stress.

I don’t want to be worrying about the million things that have been added to my plate. The million things that make me too exhausted to do the things I have to normally do, let alone doing the extra things.

In the past I would, begrudgingly, go to the grocery store or the pharmacy to stock up on essentials.

These days I come home and don’t even have milk.

I realize it sounds selfish. I have only ever had to worry about my self, while others have to worry about more than just themselves all the time.

Fair, but we all made the decisions that carved the paths of our lives. I made the choices to not have to worry about other people at this time in my life. Now that choice has been taken away from me. Not by others entirely, I also choose to take that burden on, but still it is a lot. Being the responsible one kind of sucks.

And it’s exhausting. And I dislike feeling unorganized in my own life, especially when it took me a long time to find that previous organization and stability.

I guess I just wish I could feel like my weekends were mine again and that I didn’t feel guilty when after a long week I just want to curl up on the couch watching TV, or sleep in and do nothing.

And that maybe I had the energy to remember I should pick up milk.