Lately, when I crawl into bed at night I find myself thinking: Didn’t I just wake up?
An entire workday has passed and I know I’m exhausted but still, it feels like I should be staying up longer as if there is more to do.
It may be the lack of accomplishment I feel during tax season, that feeling of finishing things only to have more work seemingly pile up on the corner of my desk, the floor or my inbox.
I start watching the end of the month creep up with a feeling of dread. This is especially true in February when there are corporate deadlines, tax slip deadlines, over-eager clients and you know life-related things too.
In the back of my mind, I can remember that this feeling comes every year and I try to breathe through the panic by knowing I will meet all my deadlines. Still, there is a little voice wondering if this year will be different if this year I’ll buckle under the strain.
I have no idea, but every night I crawl into bed thinking about the things I didn’t accomplish during the day and how they’ll be waiting when I tumble back out of bed.
Comfy bed, where there is sleeping (when insomnia leaves me alone) and dreaming (when they aren’t about waking stresses). In bed time can seem endless or too brief, can be hours of tossing or just seconds in a dream that feels like days.
I’d like to just stay in bed, not have to emerge from my comfort to go back to all the work, but I can’t. Things to do.
Instead I will wake up and wonder why the morning has arrived so early and find myself thinking: Didn’t I just go to bed?